1) this first:


He feels less than satisfied? Jesus. This is part of what keeps legions of us from breeding. The knowledge that we will be going it alone, basically, because the men we know demonstrate a complete lack of understanding of what exactly we sacrifice by undergoing a pregnancy. You mean I get to give up my beloved after work cocktails, many/most extracurricular sex, my sleep, bladder control, my currently incredibly fuckable body, control of my emotions, for at least 2 years, and definitely the rest of my life to gestate, nourish, and raise another human, and all you can think about is how you can talk me into letting you fuck an 18 year old? A fucking 18 year old? When I feel probably the least sexy and empowered and secure as I’ve ever felt in my life. Holy alimony. Here is flammable gas, insert dynamite.

This is why I’m never ever ever going to reproduce. I don’t want to give up all that, as awesome as I think raising humans is, as much credit as I give those rare amazing humans who do it well and fully, I just won’t. I’m not willing to do it alone, and biology and society dictate that it’s primarily my responsibility. Fuck that. I MAKE that baby in my own body, and I am still screwed afterwards? I should live on a cushion being fed grapes for the next year, with those French vagina-flexing classes so I can get back to normal sexuality and child-bearing capability afterward. How does that even sound like a reasonable plan?

frankly expresses a lot of my own hesitation for getting married/ having children.

the thing about people and cheating is that there is no real safety.  there are those who will swear up and down that they will never cheat, and they will believe it, and in the just right conflux of circumstance will anyway.  I don’t know if I could even fully discount myself from this group.  Past behavior is not an indicator.  Everyone is vulnerable.  we hope better for ourselves and for our partners, but we cannot know.  the lack of knowledge is where trust comes in, I know…

and I know that reality usually isn’t that bleak (except when it is).  but in terms of bringing a child into the world I would have to have absolute trust in my partner and really in the universe, and the latter is certainly not possible even if the former is.  it’s rare that I can see my worst fears so clearly articulated by someone else.

2) I watched “Inside Job” the other day and realized that I should have been outraged by the trajectory of the US financial system since before I was born.  So there’s that.

otherwise things have been good!  go read this book.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s