snow day senior year

“Will you remember me?”
“How could I not?”

Growing up is finding mixed emotion in pleasure.
Because nothing is simple.
Every day I have off from school means another day of lost wages. And worry and gray hairs.

wrap me up in your blanket of snow
let your frost crawl over my face
slow and delicate, veining like
spreading like opening fingers
line by line

Help me truth in you.
I need faith.

We are such fragile things.
Swayed by biochemistry, the moon, dust motes, tv shows, smell, and pain.
falling apart inch by inch
wondering why I don’t even stop to pick up the pieces.
learned helplessness. that’s what they call it.

he loves me.

the thing is that I was bored and did nothing about it because I wanted someone else to, and was angry when they did nothing either. that is twisted.
Why am I like that? not all of it is because of hormones and anger dissolving into tears. it’s because I don’t take responsibility for my life.
so many pointless things take up my time now, and that is sin.
help me change.
remember that he loves you. even when you’re selfish + crying + wrong, he loves you.
am I talking about Pat or God?
God, give me priorities.
how much of my faith was due to loneliness?

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