snow day senior year

“Will you remember me?”
“How could I not?”
—

Growing up is finding mixed emotion in pleasure.
Because nothing is simple.
Every day I have off from school means another day of lost wages. And worry and gray hairs.
—

wrap me up in your blanket of snow
let your frost crawl over my face
slow and delicate, veining like
spreading like opening fingers
line by line
—

God.
Help me truth in you.
I need faith.
—

We are such fragile things.
Swayed by biochemistry, the moon, dust motes, tv shows, smell, and pain.
falling apart inch by inch
wondering why I don’t even stop to pick up the pieces.
learned helplessness. that’s what they call it.

he loves me.

the thing is that I was bored and did nothing about it because I wanted someone else to, and was angry when they did nothing either. that is twisted.
Why am I like that? not all of it is because of hormones and anger dissolving into tears. it’s because I don’t take responsibility for my life.
so many pointless things take up my time now, and that is sin.
help me change.
remember that he loves you. even when you’re selfish + crying + wrong, he loves you.
am I talking about Pat or God?
God, give me priorities.
how much of my faith was due to loneliness?